Shyness

[electronaught]

No matter how hard I try to beat my shyness I can't seem to get over it. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. I think it comes down to self confidance or lack of it. Yet I don't have a problem dancing away (or my attempt at trying to). Has anyone else had similar experiences?

I am sorry if anyone thinks it is a pointless threat or spam I didn't intent it to be.

[Stoo]

Honestly? I'm not surprised you find it hard to talk to people, I certainly used to. The key is to not care what people think of you, which is easier said then done I know. Slimelight has some of the most pretentious people you will ever meet in it, because some people do go to just to look different and think of themselves as 'different' and as part of some special little alternative to the mainstream alternative scene of rock and metal. You have a lot of cyber kids who go just to look cool and socialise with peope who look the most alternative and so will ignore you if you don't qualify. This perpetuates a little attitude from some older regulars who resent them as they have been on the scene for years, basically saying "I'm here for the music, unlike those scene kids..." A lot people in Slimelight have a bit of front to them for one reason or another. And then some have a front because everyone else seems to and people naturally adapt to their surroundings. But there really are quite a few nice genuine real people floating about, who won't douse you in false 'i'm out clubbing so I have to portray a fabulous image' crap. So far every one of the regular posters i've met on this site have been lovely...

You have to discover who to talk to really, and be prepared for some people who think they are very special for being there...

If all else fails, come say hi to me. I'm nice as pie!

[ecclecticbb]

Honestly? I'm not surprised you find it hard to talk to people, I certainly used to. The key is to not care what people think of you, which is easier said then done I know.
Not to care about what people think of you is easy if you believe in yourself and are not afraid of showing how and who you are.

Slimelight has some of the most pretentious people you will ever meet in it, because some people do go to just to look different and think of themselves as 'different' and as part of some special little alternative to the mainstream alternative scene of rock and metal. You have a lot of cyber kids who go just to look cool and socialise with peope who look the most alternative and so will ignore you if you don't qualify.

This NEW wave(from 2/3 years ago) of "cyber kids" are REALLY a bunch of trendies playing with the scene!! Their attitude shows it. If they were truly alternative, their attitude would be totally different. They do not stand out of the crowd at all. They are just as crap as the rest of the people showing their dirty asses in let us say Brick Lane.

But there really are quite a few nice genuine real people floating about, who won't douse you in false 'i'm out clubbing so I have to portray a fabulous image' crap.

And they are easy to spot! :)

You are nice, Stoo. I like Daisy(she seems alright), Bella(of course!!!) and maybe a couple more.

You have to discover who to talk to really, and be prepared for some people who think they are very special for being there...
...when they really aren't because as I said somewhere else here("Elitist Slimelight, WTF?!" thread), to the eyes of society, we are all scum. And we are. So be alternative and be prepared for that. And then, if they really understood this little concept, their attitude would change towards fellow Slimelight clubbers and they would put their feet back onto the ground and start respecting people who are in the same boat as them.

But, Endscape: Do not worry about this little minority, there are many more people around that are genuinely alternative! ;):)

If all else fails, come say hi to me. I'm nice as pie!
What happens if we don't like pies at all??!!:p

[Endscape]

But, Endscape: Do not worry about this little minority, there are many more people around that are genuinely alternative! ;):)




I certainly won't EcclecticBB. But I think that advice would be more useful to Electronaught not me ;)

[ecclecticbb]

I certainly won't EcclecticBB. But I think that advice would be more useful to Electronaught not me ;)

LOL!

Post while having your breakfast and get this sort of mistakes!!

Well, good for you Endscape!:)

[Clodia]

Well, I've only been a few times to the club and the main reason I've not spoken to many others is because I've been with a group of people who I barely know -- so I've put concentrated effort into talking to them.

This thread makes me concientious, though, about how people view what others wear. There's always so much ... not snobbery, but differing opinions on what people wear. Like attitudes towards cyberwear or towards glosticks.

I generally wear what I feel comfortable in -- and for me, that is the same as outrageous as I can make it. I don't identify as trad goth, cybergoth or whatever ... but I only have confidence when I feel that I look good.

I am seriously going to talk to some other people the next time that I go but it's often to be discriminating against people when they act all cliquey and look as though they don't want you to talk to them. So you don't. I'll otherwise talk to anyone who talks to me.

[Stoo]

This NEW wave(from 2/3 years ago) of "cyber kids" are REALLY a bunch of trendies playing with the scene!! Their attitude shows it. If they were truly alternative, their attitude would be totally different. They do not stand out of the crowd at all...

...to the eyes of society, we are all scum. And we are. So be alternative and be prepared for that. And then, if they really understood this little concept, their attitude would change towards fellow Slimelight clubbers and they would put their feet back onto the ground and start respecting people who are in the same boat as them.

I've heard about a time when the alternative scene was about being a social outcast, not about what outfit you are wearing and what that 'means'. Unfortunately i've only been on this scene for just over 2 years so have not experienced this really, and have had many a cyber kid patronise me. I remember when it was the in thing to be wearing all white, and i'd have some of them saying 'get some white cyberdog clothes, it's what we're wearing' and then being ostracised because I didn't! Pathetic doesn't even skim the surface of some of these people, it wouldn't be so bad if they actually gave a shit about the music, but a lot of them don't even bother seeing bands at Infest, and then they have a 'I have more right to be here then you, because i'm a student/white middle class child who's parents pay for everything, so I can go down to pepi's and get loads of crap tied into my hair, and am therefore more alternative then you' attitude.

Recently I by pure chance have started to wear all white, and now they talk to me, not because of me as a person but because of my fucking outfit. It's very, very sad but on such a small scene telling people this opinion of them would only cause problems, and if I caused problems for myself in Slimelight, where else would I go?

All I ever seem to to on here is moan about cyber kids, apologies if i'm becoming a broken record. It's quite safe to do it on here though as NONE post on here. Why would they bother? They're all too busy hanging around camden in FULL clubbing gear in the middle of the day choosing their next outfits in Cyberdog with mummy and daddy's credit card!

[industrialwarrior]

...and i'd have some of them saying 'get some white cyberdog clothes, it's what we're wearing' and then being ostracised because I didn't!

Recently I by pure chance have started to wear all white, and now they talk to me, not because of me as a person but because of my fucking outfit...

You really had them say that to you? Those exact words? Dear me... how shallow!
I get complimented on my outfits sometimes, but to be truthful I wear what I feel comfy in on the night.

I can dress very cyber sometimes, depends on my mood but it most deffo has nothing to do with trying to out-do people in the fashion stakes... I love my music, I go to Slimes for the music and have rather a soft spot for power-noise, in fact....

And to electronaught: I'm a friendly soul too, just like Stoo... If you see me dancing and I appear to be quite aggressive don't worry, I dance that way cos I am into the music... the more I like a song the more aggressively I dance.... Come say hi if you see me, I don't bite! True I can be cautious at first if a random stranger approaches me, simply because I do not know their intentions... but once I realise that you know me from the forum, I'm cool with it and will have a chat and be friendly :)

[Endscape]

Well if somebody isn't going to talk to you because you don't have the right clothes or listen to the right music sod em! If their only going to surround themselves with what they already know it's their loss. their just limiting their experiences. I go to Slimelight to meet interesting people and have exciting experiences that I wouldn't get anywhere else. Once you make friends with people materialistic things such as clothes and stuff doesn't even come into it. Don't waste time losing sleep over it, use that time to find someone more deserving of you're time.

[Guy13]

Recently I by pure chance have started to wear all white, and now they talk to me, not because of me as a person but because of my fucking outfit. It's very, very sad but on such a small scene telling people this opinion of them would only cause problems, and if I caused problems for myself in Slimelight, where else would I go?

It really just goes to show just how shallow these particular individuals are. Believe me, Slimes is big enough to just avoid having anything to do with them. I manage too. :)

All I ever seem to to on here is moan about cyber kids, apologies if i'm becoming a broken record. It's quite safe to do it on here though as NONE post on here. Why would they bother? They're all too busy hanging around camden in FULL clubbing gear in the middle of the day choosing their next outfits in Cyberdog with mummy and daddy's credit card!

Cyberf**kwits are one of my bugbears as well and I know of a fair amount of others who feel the same way as well. Moan ahead. :)

[drunkmonkey]

People who only talk to people who look like tham are Boring as arse. Whats the point in excluding other people from talking to you cos they dont wear cyberdog????? At the end of the day they are the ones who are gonna miss out as everyone I've met at slimes is really nice and I'm sure have some great stories and opinions to share.

[CIW]

I've heard about a time when the alternative scene was about being a social outcast, not about what outfit you are wearing and what that 'means'. Unfortunately i've only been on this scene for just over 2 years so have not experienced this really, and have had many a cyber kid patronise me. I remember when it was the in thing to be wearing all white, and i'd have some of them saying 'get some white cyberdog clothes, it's what we're wearing' and then being ostracised because I didn't! Pathetic doesn't even skim the surface of some of these people, it wouldn't be so bad if they actually gave a shit about the music, but a lot of them don't even bother seeing bands at Infest, and then they have a 'I have more right to be here then you, because i'm a student/white middle class child who's parents pay for everything, so I can go down to pepi's and get loads of crap tied into my hair, and am therefore more alternative then you' attitude.

Recently I by pure chance have started to wear all white, and now they talk to me, not because of me as a person but because of my fucking outfit. It's very, very sad but on such a small scene telling people this opinion of them would only cause problems, and if I caused problems for myself in Slimelight, where else would I go?

All I ever seem to to on here is moan about cyber kids, apologies if i'm becoming a broken record. It's quite safe to do it on here though as NONE post on here. Why would they bother? They're all too busy hanging around camden in FULL clubbing gear in the middle of the day choosing their next outfits in Cyberdog with mummy and daddy's credit card!

wow, I never had that happen to me yet.
I also wear white clothes (got two different sets in fact), but none of those types ever approached me yet just because I'm wearing white stuff...

Didn't even know that there was a trend for white stuff, though recently I've seen some more in white again, and therefore was happy I didn't have it on for a while.

On the other side regarding cliques etc, I'm usually standing around alone or with my gf, if I know someone I chat with em, but I don't lock myself into one group only and exclude all others. normally my only group is myself (and gf, if there), so no problems in this direction :D

[LadyofShalott]

No matter how hard I try to beat my shyness I can't seem to get over it. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone. I think it comes down to self confidance or lack of it. Yet I don't have a problem dancing away (or my attempt at trying to). Has anyone else had similar experiences?

I am sorry if anyone thinks it is a pointless threat or spam I didn't intent it to be.


I know how it feels and from my experience, many people at slimes (I'm afraid I would have to include myself) may look arrogant and aloof but that is actually because they are too shy to go and talk to others - so they look like they live in their own little world and don't want to be bothered. I know people I am now friends with thought this of me at first and then changed their minds, and so did I about other people. So I would say, don't stress about being shy because it seems to be a pretty common problem for slimers and they/we are actually really nice people!

[Byakhiam]

I've yet to meet any of these arrogant "more alternative than thou" cyber-kids, but then again, I'm pretty much not cyber at all, so I suppose I fall under their radar.

Hi Stoo. ;)

[gothicbikerbabe]

i think the regular posters here are the most genuine people to get to know as we can debate and discuss on here, rather than bitch behind each others backs. ok i've not met many of them but the ones i have are great, why not try organise a meeting? unfortunately im in scotland, but ecclecticbb is great fun, and if you're lucky she may serenade you outside the club afterwards. ;)

[empty_cloud]

Recently I by pure chance have started to wear all white, and now they talk to me, not because of me as a person but because of my fucking outfit.

It is sometimes difficult to know whether people are talking to you because of an image or if they genuinely have something interesting to say.

I always wear what I want to slimes and I have never particularly liked the cyber look for myself but if I did I would find it really annoying if people only spoke to me about hair extensions and clothing which happens to a lot of my friends who are into the more cyber look. I love the fact that everyone dresses so differently in Slimes but it is a shame that it causes these feelings of 'us' and 'them'.

At the same time I am friends with people of all different tastes ans styles of dress at slimes and all of them are interesting people regardless of whether they dress 'cyber'. A lot of the time I think the idea of 'sceney cyber kids' is partly created by other people rather than themselves. Hm-I'm not sure if that makes sense how I meant it too.

Anyway was lovely to meet you on saturday Stoo!!

[ecclecticbb]

People, people, people!!!

Please, do not pay attention to what Gothicbikerbabe says about me!!! I am the most boring person on the whole planet! Honest!

However, Stoo is quite funny and sweet. Ask for his number and kiss his feet when you see him, specially if he dresses in no white...

You know what, I am actuallty very happy about 2 facts:

1- There are lots of Punks coming to Slimelight lately and lots of them used to come ages ago. Keep the number of Punks high in the club and that will mean it is still alternative.

2- I am glad I do not live up to the standards of the "new generation" of cybers. It MUST mean something really good!:)

[Morbid_Doll]

Anyone who knows me will know im extremely friendly and will talk to anyone, as long as their nice ^_^ so yeh come say hi ;)

[Clodia]

I know how it feels and from my experience, many people at slimes (I'm afraid I would have to include myself) may look arrogant and aloof but that is actually because they are too shy to go and talk to others - so they look like they live in their own little world and don't want to be bothered. I know people I am now friends with thought this of me at first and then changed their minds, and so did I about other people. So I would say, don't stress about being shy because it seems to be a pretty common problem for slimers and they/we are actually really nice people!

Actually, I agree with this. I know on occasion I come across as rude when I don't mean to be (although I can be rude when I do mean to be. But never at Slimes. I save it for home ;) ). But yes, sometimes it's a lot easier to say nothing at all than initiate conversation when you aren't feeling up to it. But, truly ... I just find the noise the inhibiting factor when it comes to socializing. :p

[Spanky]

to be honest electronaught good for you for actually going to slimelight in the 1st place!! most people in this city wouldn't dare... but then thats narrowmindedness for you.(if thats such a word haha) maybe what im trying to say is that perhaps your not as shy as you may think!! ive met some of the nicest people in the world, from all over the world in slimelight over the last 6 years, and some are now my close friends :)
your welcome to come and say hi to me, i didnt speak to a soul in there when i 1st started going either, but like ladyofshalott says.. most people in there only seem unapproachable but really they are not.

c'ya around x

[Stoo]

Stoo is quite funny and sweet. Ask for his number and kiss his feet when you see him, specially if he dresses in no white...

*blush*

Hi Byakhiam and Empty Cloud! I've been meeting some great people recently that have made me realise that I have clearly I have been chatting to the wrong people in the past. I will admit the cyber kids that openly said things to me like 'you, you're just normal' have mostly gone now. The drugs and attention wore off I think.

I will admit it is easy to assume people are arrogant, but when you walk over to someone you've met who is with their friends standing chatting, and they all don't even look at you it's hard to not judge. Or when someone you've met who you thought was nice looks down when you smile and give a little wave because they're with their cooler friends.

I will also admit it is actually an individual that has started speaking to me because of my outfit. They do not remember but a few months after when I started going to Slimes, I dared to go to Pepi's and get green plastic in my hair and then...I wore...a Nine Inch Nails t-shirt!!! And they gave me the most DISGUSTED look as I passed them on the stairs to the middle floor. I only assume because a)Nine Inch Nails are too trendy and B)by getting plastic hair I was trying to be 'one of them'. I assume they don't remember, but I do...

It's not only the cybers, I joined in a conversation my friend was having with her goth DJ friend the other night in Slimes. I began mocking the EBM that was playing at the time because it was that really awful dull kind, where you can't even tell the difference between the songs because it's so monotone. The guy looks and me, gives me a funny look, and then ignores me. I was not worth a response!

Or when I had to go round asking randoms for signatures to get my membership. None of my friends had bothered getting a card, and both the people I went up to and asked very nicely took the form and filled it in, but said nothing. Not one word, even when I thanked them.

Anyway it took quite a while but I really do not care anymore and am quite happy to go to Slimes on my own, and have done the past few times. I only go because I can't hear the music anywhere else in London from what I know, and the electroworkz has a nice dirty feel to it, but there are a number of nice people around also who I like to say hi to. Have faith Electronaught, and if in doubt, say hi to someone you've seen on here and you won't have the bad luck i've had.

[gothicbikerbabe]

People, people, people!!!

Please, do not pay attention to what Gothicbikerbabe says about me!!! I am the most boring person on the whole planet! Honest!

*coughs* liar.....

[Antagonist]

...But, truly ... I just find the noise the inhibiting factor when it comes to socializing. :p

Yup, sure is. That's why it's best to stick around till the end and the haze starts to lift to really get to know people. It is undeniably difficult though, it's actually very easy to avoid socialising at all, and that's where you can get a bit stuck and realise the next day that you didn't speak to another soul the whole evening. Mixing in that environment is actually hard work, and takes some confidence and practise.

[electronaught]

Thanks for the advice and support. I am going to have to try and pluck up the courage and say hello. I guess I am only shy at talking to people, I ware what I want when I go out and don't really care what anyone thinks.

[Endscape]

Come along to Starbucks in Angel after Slimelight. A reasonably good croud of us goes there to sit around and talk. Most people are relaxed and chilled out after an all night clubbing sesh and more aproachable.

The Blue Sunflower was a good place to go to after Slimelight but that closed down last week :(

[industrialwarrior]

Starbucks? Me and my mates usually go over to the cafe millennium for a good ol' fry up and post slimes natter... yumm! :D

[Jesusbuiltmyhotrod]

Shyness, it's a horrible place to be, I was shy for years but finally over came it by, having a few drinks in quick succession and targeting the people I wanted to know.Once you get over that first hurdle everything falls into place and it feels like being at home. Unfortunately clubs, unless total meat market places, are hard places to connect(I should add mainly in the wrong way depending on your gender) but just talking on this forum is definitely the right way to start, so, keep going it can only get easier :smile:lol

[Byakhiam]

Starbucks? Me and my mates usually go over to the cafe millennium for a good ol' fry up and post slimes natter... yumm! :D

Cafe Millennium has a better menu if you genuinely look for something to eat, but it has to be said that the "general" after-Slime socialising seems to happen in the Starbucks. Millennium is kinda "forumite hangout".

[drunkmonkey]

soooo we are elitist snobs are we :p j/k but i do find after a night of dancing i'm starving and want to eat some good old quasi english food :D also starbuck is overly commercialized and the coffee is nasty. yay for independent cafe's where you get a heart attack just looking at the menu. anyone is welcome to join me and my friends naturally.

[industrialwarrior]

LOL!

I'm surprised that more of the Slimes crowd don't appear in the cafe Millennium afterwards... but do people really go to Starbucks just for the social thing, or is it something about their coffee... *giggles*

The cafe, naturally, does not serve just fry-ups, the food is cooked to order and tastes like it would if your mum cooked it for you.. none of that mass-produced, servce-station type food here!

Of course, if anyone comes over to Millennium after Slimes, they are more than welcome to join me and my friends. We love a good ol' chat over a hearty breakfast, don't we, Rich? ;) (watch out for Ged though; he might fall asleep at the table! *giggles*)

[Chaotic]

Where is the cafe Millennium please? A few weeks ago myself and a friend went looking for somewhere to have brekkie and we couldn't find anywhere. We had to make do with some tasteless rubbish when we got to the station.
(Neither of us knows the area very well.)

[industrialwarrior]

cafe millennium... hmm let me think, i don't know road names but if you cross the main road right in front of angel station, and go straight on up what i think is liverpool road... on the left is a side street where they are setting up the sunday market. go up this road a while and on the right you should eventually come to cafe millennium :)

i'm not familiar with the area either, i just know how to walk there after slimes :)

[Malachi]

Well if you don't have anything worth saying don't say anything.

&

Stupid is as stupid does.

but


Nothing ventured nothing gained.

So it's up to you.

[Clodia]

Well if you don't have anything worth saying don't say anything.

&

Stupid is as stupid does.

but


Nothing ventured nothing gained.

So it's up to you.

Well I know that on my own shy days, at least, regardless anyone else's, I often feel those first two sentiments and thus don't talk to people -- fearful you'll say something stupid or pointless. So I now agree with, 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.'

[Malachi]

Darn tootin'!

[drunkmonkey]

Where is the cafe Millennium please? A few weeks ago myself and a friend went looking for somewhere to have brekkie and we couldn't find anywhere. We had to make do with some tasteless rubbish when we got to the station.
(Neither of us knows the area very well.)

Ask ozzy the head of security he's the one who told me about it. Infact its the place the security boys go after they finish.

[PantherModern]

I`ll talk with anyone, but I`m horribly shy and find it difficult to talk in a club environment with all that noise ;) I frown upon cliques and the I`m better than you because blah blahs.. its all so very petty and I just dont have the time or inclanation to stand in judgement.

For me, I primarily go to slimes to dance, if you can call it that, its really to celibrate the music I have loved so much for so long in the physical way I do, its pretty much the only escape I have from an otherwise mundane existance.